Teen Birthday, I will never forget in my lifetime!
Oh..God!.. why me always...?
That horrible Night, was my Younger Brother Rajoo’s SIXTEEN Birthday!...
So his close friends & mine came to celebrate TEEN Birthday at our small house... before evening few ones dropped in to help decorate the room with flowers, balloons, decorative paper cuttings and sheets. Manju, our neighbour had brought her CD player for music courtesy, as we did not have one. Cake and cold drinks were ordered in advance and collected by Hari, my cousin brother; while coming from his house, as the pastry soap was on his way to our home.
The brown and white cream cake was cut with best wishes song to Rajoo, at around 8 pm. Everyone had fun dancing on the rock music. It became very warm in that small room with 14 persons inside; perspiring out. I asked Rajoo to give me a cold drink, which he obliged for his elder sis. I gulped the whole glass in no time, without caring for the taste. By around nine PM, we started filling our paper dishes with Chhole Bhature and Jeera Rice, braught from nearby dhabaa joint..
Also the Party must have continued even after dinner... Gossiping, cracking jokes and singing song Antakshari. But I don't remember exactly how I was dizzy, my mind got a severe headache. I whispered to Raju that I am going to Sleep and you friends carry on.... I moved from that noisy room to our bedroom, which I share with my brother since the death of my parents.
...And after that, when I woke up in the morning, I found myself with a pain and burning sensation in my vagina, with surprise I found myself totally NAKED on my bed with a very large amount dried and sticky material on my breast... I shouted for my brother, andasked about all this stuff & who has done to me..?
He replied me coolly that its OK as this was HIS sixteen birthday and I had desire to see your beutiful body. Hari also wanted the same. Hari only had poured sleeping pills in that juice glass, bcoz he wanted to make love to me and see me naked and feel my body. We have only seen your body and caressed. He started crying and accepted his mistake to help HARI for the act. We never wanted have any sex... but while seeing and careesing the ejaculation happened and fall on your breast, which we could not wipe out. OMG.. what a birthday! Then all that blah! blah! blah!... cannot remember or write.
I slapped and shouted at him...but then I stopped as I'm the only one who is responsible for Rajoo's life as our parents died in an accident 2 years back, when I was only Seventeen. I am the only one who took care of him as a mother, father & sister since last 2 years. I tried my best to console him not to feel alone without our parents, I must have hugged him with love many times during last 2 years, as an elder sister. Even I allowed him to sleep together in the bedroom, which was being used by my parents. Yes, I did my best, just to avoid the vacuum in the life of Rajoo, after the tragic death of our parents.
I slapped and shouted at him...but then I stopped as I'm the only one who is responsible for Rajoo's life as our parents died in an accident 2 years back, when I was only Seventeen. I am the only one who took care of him as a mother, father & sister since last 2 years. I tried my best to console him not to feel alone without our parents, I must have hugged him with love many times during last 2 years, as an elder sister. Even I allowed him to sleep together in the bedroom, which was being used by my parents. Yes, I did my best, just to avoid the vacuum in the life of Rajoo, after the tragic death of our parents.
He is only 17 and his education will go haywire and may not even complete after his 11th standard. What am I to do now, as only we two are the family? I was so confused, shall I trust their story? So I decided to take a PILL (I-pill) at the earliest to remove the chance of my getting pregnant. But I was afraid if I am not yet pregnant then after taking that pill may have side effects in future and if I will surely not get pregnant again in my life then..? I will not be a mother in my life then? Was it SAFE to take it if one is not yet PREGNENT..? How can I check myself?
I immediately requested to a counsellor by email for an expert advice on I-PILL & also how should I respond to as I am trapped in this emotional relationship!!!... I don't know why this Love and care emotions; all coming to me after all this, and still I am worrying for him!!!... I had already passed the time (without sleeping whole night & arguing, typing emails and waiting for reply) more than 9 hours passed. I had to go to the medical shop and purchase I-pill. Wondered the shop keeper will easily give or not or will I have to face few questions? I thought of not buying from known and nearby medical shop to keep my identity hidden.
Counsellor email reply came after around 9 AM, suggesting to calm down first and go for I-pill and pregnancy test subsequently. She also inquired about my period dates and reassured me that the day was falling in almost low risk of pregnancy. Within month it was absolutely confirmed that I was not pregnant, as I got my period delayed by three days then regular date. But those three days delay in my regular period kept me awake in the night and increased my stress level.
I immediately requested to a counsellor by email for an expert advice on I-PILL & also how should I respond to as I am trapped in this emotional relationship!!!... I don't know why this Love and care emotions; all coming to me after all this, and still I am worrying for him!!!... I had already passed the time (without sleeping whole night & arguing, typing emails and waiting for reply) more than 9 hours passed. I had to go to the medical shop and purchase I-pill. Wondered the shop keeper will easily give or not or will I have to face few questions? I thought of not buying from known and nearby medical shop to keep my identity hidden.
Counsellor email reply came after around 9 AM, suggesting to calm down first and go for I-pill and pregnancy test subsequently. She also inquired about my period dates and reassured me that the day was falling in almost low risk of pregnancy. Within month it was absolutely confirmed that I was not pregnant, as I got my period delayed by three days then regular date. But those three days delay in my regular period kept me awake in the night and increased my stress level.
Otherwise, I had also made a 2nd decision, decision to commit SUICIDE, as I was not a rich person who may afford an Abortion. I was only 21, worked in a call center, and earned hardly 20,000 a month to run the whole house and live for !!!.. And I was scared also and not ready to be a single mother! I would not have courage to continue such pregnancy in the society I live in and around.
..for Oh GOD, PLEASE forgive me!!! I never take a cue from my brother’s behaviour. I don't know how to say but I only know that my life has been destroyed forever due to my own fault...How can I explain, I don't know exactly...what should I say..? Let me tell U that my brother often asked during night to let him touch my breast as he was very eager to feel it, see it but I often replied him as it is a sin as I am her own elder sister. Also it is not good idea to see any women’s private parts. When once he gets married, he will surely enjoy more of his wife’s...I responded to him all this as a friendly & giggling manner., I just thought he was asking me in a joke or maybe YES, he was eager to know, see & feel..! But I ignored all these days that the urge will go beyond limit. I almost lost my virginity, I never dreamt of....
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